god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
