I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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