Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
