she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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