so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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