apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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