We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
