Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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