first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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