I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
