I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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