There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
