One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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