i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
