I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
