If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
