Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
