We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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