So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
