The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize