My nipple is on Facebook.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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