normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
