I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
