Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
