I just saw a hot homeless man
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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