just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
