Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize