I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
