i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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