Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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