Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
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I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
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I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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