So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
