I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You're a waste of cheezeits
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
