You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
