help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
