Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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