I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
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Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
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It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i out mim tonsoeep
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