and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
