he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
