So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
