p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
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the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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