I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
