I showed him my bush... on skype.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
