Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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