ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
