ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
