reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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