had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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