I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
