he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
