this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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