I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
