So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
