no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
be right there i have to get my cape
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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