so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
