Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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