you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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