Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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