I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Randomize
