She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
