we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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