Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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