just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
