I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"