Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.