How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i now understand why vodka
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
