I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
