I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I didn't notice because vodka
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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