dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
