my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?