I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
He melted the stem
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe