I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You took a bar mat shot.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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