so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line