he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
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you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
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he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.