can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?